Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
