Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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