You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
