i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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