you guys were way drunker than both of me
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
