I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
