Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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