i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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