some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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