It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
