im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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