Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
