Someone shit on the floor
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Randomize
