he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
