The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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