wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
