the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
