at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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