i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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