He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
