Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
