have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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