i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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