Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
