i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
