Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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