doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
