That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
