I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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