If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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