Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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