Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
