my phone needs a breathalizer
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
