awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
