so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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