I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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