Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
