If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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