Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
