oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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