She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
