did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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