just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
