dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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