Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
