Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
