I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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