Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You had me at "let me see your balls"
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
