stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
