O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i think i have two assholes
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
