I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You made out with two different species that night
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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