i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
