Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
