Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
