i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize