i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
