ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
