I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
