K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
