I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
