I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
