My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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