At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
