please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize