My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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