I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
