I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
