Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
