Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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