Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
