the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
