So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
