so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
