So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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