so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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