i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
