Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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