Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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