I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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