I think my vagina is haunted
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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