did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
