I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
